Rainy Thoughts

Something I was thinking yesterday during the downpour
Back in January, while driving to Tijeras to see my Mom on a rainy afternoon, my car hydroplaned, did a 360 and slammed into the highway divider on I-40, it was the scariest feeling being out of control, even if it was for only 10 seconds.  And as funny as it sounds, this car was supposed to take care of me.  I trusted it.  It failed me. It failed me with 2 week old tires.  It turned my stomach just to see it all mangled up sitting in the driveway.  And a month later, when I got it back from the shop, it still turned my stomach.  When I drove it, something felt funny.  It just didnt feel right.  And when it rained, I couldnt even get into the thing.  My sister said I had PTSD, and that I just needed to drive in the rain more often to get over it.  Got me to thinking about another situation…

When someone breaks your trust or lies to you about something when you trusted them with all of your heart.  You took care of them, did everything you were supposed to do.  It makes you not trust yourself or your judgement of people, so how do you ever trust again?  How do you get over that?  How do you drive in the rain more often in that situation?  You just trust that they wont lie to you or do it again?  Do you force yourself to be stuck downtown at work on a rainy day and have to drive home everyday of your life until you believe in them again? And will you ever?  What if you don’t know if it will ever be different?  Do you still try? Still put in the time to see?  Still give them the benefit of the doubt?

If its like your car, you do.  You have to.  I did.  I had to.  I guess I didnt have to, I could have taken the bus, but it was worth it for me to drive again, even though I didn’t trust it.  Convenient.  So how do you figure out if its worth it?  or just convenient?  How long do you prolong your own happiness, your own sanity?  How long do you feel uncertain and stressed about a situation before you finally throw in the towel?  How do you know that that car will never hydroplane again?  And how do you know that everytime you get in someone elses car, you wont have the same issues?

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